January 5, 2009

Frustrated Mom in Virginia wrote that her 19-year-old son constantly loses things - coats, lunch boxes, expensive toys, games - and damages property such as computers, furniture, etc. He doesn't do it on purpose - he's just clumsy and heavy-handed. He often bumps into people and never says"excuse me" or even appears to notice. When she points out his clumsy, insensitive behavior, he complains that she always accuses him of being a failure, and everybody always finds fault with him. What's a mother to do?

Abby was correct in suggesting that Frustrated Mom have her son evaluated for a psychological or neurological disorder and eyecare specialist.

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I would like to further recommend that Frustrated Mom ask the psychiatrist if it is Aspergers Syndrome.

Asperger syndrome (AS) is a developmental disorder that is characterized by:

• limited interests or an unusual preoccupation with a particular subject to the exclusion of other activities
• repetitive routines or rituals
• peculiarities in speech and language, such as speaking in an overly formal manner or in a monotone, or taking figures of speech literally
• socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior and the inability to interact successfully with peers
• problems with non-verbal communication, including the restricted use of gestures, limited or inappropriate facial expressions, or a peculiar, stiff gaze
• clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements

It is estimated that two out of every 10,000 children have the disorder. Boys are three to four times more likely than girls to have AS.

What leads me to suspect AS in this case is not only the clumsy, forgetful behavior - but the fact that the young man does not even appear to notice what he has done wrong.

Or, it just might be that the son is a klutz and the mom is an overly-critical nag. Frankly, I'm surprised that in 19 years she has never brought this to the attention of a doctor or psychologist.