September 12, 2008

NO POLITICS (OR RELIGION) PLEASE, IN CALIFORNIA has a problem at family get-togethers. Her large extended family apparently only discusses politics, and they hold opposite views as her. (I am assuming the writer is a 'her' because no guy I can think of would shy away from a political discussion - most would embrace it.) NO POLITICS has attempted to explain to them that her vote is a private matter, "and the statement prompted peals of laughter in the room." She would like to spend time with them, but is tired of their conversational bashing.

Dear Abby's reply is simply to avoid all of them until after the election.

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I admit this is a dilemma. Part of me wants to agree with Dear Abby, but not so much as a passive-agressive avoidance - but because I can't imagine how spending time with these people can be worthwhile or enjoyable. Yet, another part of me believes in really stretching the bounds of tolerance when it comes to Family. My family is pretty much insane, so whenever I visit them, I check any expectation of logical conversation at the door. I try to appreciate them in their full crazed glory. But when relatives cross over into insulting and belittling behavior, they no longer deserve the Crazy Family Immunity Card.

Also - in-laws should not be afforded as much tolerance. If you have not known them since you were a child, then they need to behave.

I think NO POLITICS should consider defending her political views. Deep down, her rascally relatives just want to engage someone in meaningful debate. (Ever watch Monty Python's 'Argument Clinic' skit?)


If NO POLITICS has views she truly believes in, then she should be knowledgeable and confident enough to defend them. She should know enough facts about the opposition's views to lay out the flaws. And above all, she must maintain a sense of humor about the conversation. A good way to defuse a debate in which the other person becomes more emotional than intellectual, is to get them to step back and laugh a little about it. One of my favorite defusing lines is Dan Ackroyd's counterpoint to Jane Curtain in an old SNL skit about an abortion debate.:

"Jane, I may not believe in abortion, but if I had been around when your mother was carrying you, not only would I have endorsed it, I would have performed it."